Why is it when you first meet someone and seem to have a great connection, that same relationship can cause such angst and upset just a short time down the road?
When we first meet someone we either feel there's a connection or there's not a connection. This leads us further to discovering what we have in common.
Before long we are having a great time enjoying the same things, having the same interests and sharing the same experiences. Until...
There comes a time when we disagree. At first it's no big deal. Everyone has their own opinions and that's fine. However, before long it seems we have more things we disagree on than agree on. We are startled, surprised and a little disheartened all at the same time. Now what?!
The next thing you know the disagreements turn into issues you just can't seem to let go of. It's really bothering you! How come I didn't know this before?! You begin being short with each other and can't seem to find anything good about each other or the relationship any more. All of a sudden every way in which we are different begins to rise to the surface and it's all we can see. Before long we find we are fighting all the time and/or barely talking and the relationship dissolves, usually into oblivion.
At this point the only thing to do is protect yourself by 'being more careful' next time - whatever that means.
Let's make this a little easier:
First of all, the connection shows you DO have things in common or there most likely would be no connection.
Second EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE has their own set of opinions, interests and ways of looking at things. These views have been acquired through a lifetime of experiences and it's not likely anyone is going to change them very quickly.
GOOD NEWS: This is the cool thing about relationships they give you the opportunity to look at things differently. If you are in relationship with people that ONLY think as you do on every issue all the time, where would the challenge be to expand your thinking? Life is all about expansion, all about growth and how can we do that if we have nothing and no one to challenge our thinking?
The next time you are frustrated because someone has a different take on things stop and give it some food for thought, mull it over a bit and think about their point of view. If nothing else, ALLOW that person to have their own point of view without you looking down on them or putting yourself as right and them as wrong. Be open to other opinions. This creates a safe space for yourself and others to think things through and look at them through a different filter and find out if they want to hold their same opinion or if there are some good points that make sense for them to choose differently. They are not wrong or right just because they do not believe the same way you do and vice versa. The minute you begin to attach that thinking to the discussion you have set yourself up for noticing ways in which you are different rather than the ways you are the same. It is at this point a disconnection occurs. By giving room for more than one way of doing things it allows that connection to happen...over and over again.
A great example right now is this political election. Everyone seems to have very heated opinions and a great assurance their candidate is the best. How about allowing people to have a differing opinion? Instead look at the way you are both passionate about the love of our country and how you both want the best for it. Put the differences aside and focus on the same intent you share. This is how you put that connection back into the relationship; by allowing each person to be who they are and respect their opinion that is different from yours. Focus on the ways you are similiar and that your intent is the same. There are always different paths but they typically lead to the same destination. Allow yourselves to be on different paths knowing your destination is the same.
You may both have different ways of raising your child and may have to work through those differences to find things you agree on but the good news is that you both want the very best for your children and family.
You may both have different ideas of how to clean house and when and why - work through those differences to find some common ground and focus knowing the intent for you both is to keep your home cleared in a way that will be enjoyable to come home to at the end of the day.
When you find yourself frustrated and more upset than happy or peaceful, it's time to take a minute to ask yourself "what have I been focusing on ... is it the ways we are different and in some areas sooo different? or the ways we share the same intent and just maybe have different ways of getting to the same destination?"
Take that with you today and apply it in your relationships and see if it helps to re-establish that connection you miss so much.
Comment below if you would like to share your experience.
Make it a great day ~
Blessings from your Personal Coach,
If you could use some assistance in creating a better life, please feel free to contact me today to schedule an appointment or find out more information regarding the services offered.